The third year was on the verge and as per the college curriculum, every student had to undergo one month training. Rohit had a strong political background and that made it easy for him to get a jack anywhere he wanted while I belonged to an upper-middle-class family which meant inconclusive struggle. I managed to get a positive response from a company in my hometown.
I had a busy schedule during training and was not able to spare much time for Rohit. Long distance seemed like an unhealthy diet for our relationship. It was barely after 15 days when Rohit moved to Delhi at one of his relative’s places. He joined the same company in which I was. As a reunited couple, we rejoiced every moment and were dancing on cloud nine but fate had other plans.
Like every other day, Rohit dropped me at the metro station and left for home. I reached my place at around 7 pm, freshened up and crashed on the bed directly for a power nap. I woke up after having a good sleep and checked my phone expecting a message from Rohit saying that he reached home. There wasn’t any message from him but I didn’t pay much attention as my phone was running out of juice and I had to put it in charge. Later in the evening, I called him to inform that I will be late for the class next day as I had some work and so he doesn’t need to wait for me at the metro. He didn’t answer. I called again but still no answer. Maybe he is busy with family, was the first thought that came to my mind and so I left him a message to call back once free.
The night passed and I didn’t get a reply, I felt frustrated. On my way to the station, I called him again but he didn’t answer. My frustration reached another level and I had second thoughts about our relationship. One last call or else its over. This time, just after the first ring somebody answered. I was about to burst when I realized it was not him but his mother. I greeted her, she answered in a broken voice. I was afraid. I enquired about Rohit and she broke into tears. I enquired again but she didn’t answer. After a second, his sister took over the phone and informed me about Rohit and what happened to him last night.
Rohit had met a severe accident last night. He was in a critical condition. I ran from the metro station to reach the hospital as soon as possible. My frustration turned into tears and my anger became my regret.
The moment I saw him, my world turned upside down. He was kept on ventilator and doctors claimed that they tried their best but Rohit will not be able to make it. He barely had an hour or two at max. Those words felt like an arrow passing through my heart. I witnessed the departure of the purest soul of my life right in front of my eyes.
The world had ended for me. Everything was dark and silent, it seemed like those days when I didn’t care about anyone. I didn’t care about food, family or classes. All I did was to stay in my room and weep. Days passed by and the time came when I had to leave for college as I already had missed 15 days of attendance post-vacation.
College felt like a graveyard and I wasn’t willing to attend the classes. Depression took all over yet again and this time things were worse than earlier. I had the worst semester ever which meant placement was going to be tough for me if I didn’t makeup. How was I supposed to improve when my brain and body weren’t in my control?
After semester exams, I was back home. My parent’s concerns grew seeing my health and considered taking me to a psychiatrist, to which I denied and locked myself in the room for the whole day.
I was looking for a crocin to fight a headache when I came across the phone. No, this was not my phone, it was Rohit’s. I remember taking his parents’ permission to keep his phone with me as a memory. Rohit’s mother was well aware of our relationship and she very generously gave his mobile to me.I know, many of you must be in a dilemma of how could his mobile didn’t get destroyed. Well, I have only one word for you and that’s “destiny”.
For the past six months, the phone was sitting ideal on my bookshelf. I never had the courage to switch it on until today. I charged the phone for the next two hours before I could surf into memories. Going through the photos, I felt like Rohit was just there hiding from everyone. I was in tears but couldn’t keep myself away from him. I played his playlist to relive and cherish the old moments. On scrolling down I came across some audio files named as day 1, day2, day 3 and so on. I didn’t have a clue that those short audio clips were going to affect my life in such a way.
I played the first clip and after 2 seconds a voice came, “I saw her today for the first in personality development session. She was sitting at the corner of the second row in a black top and blue jeans. She was trying to hide from the eyes of the trainer but she didn’t know that I could easily see her from the podium, she looked beautiful. She seems to be an introvert as I didn’t see her interacting the whole day with anyone. I need to find out more about her in tomorrow’s session.She seems interesting”.
The clip ended and my curiosity jumped to another level. Without losing a moment I played the second one.
“Mansi Sinha !! A bit of inquiry and your friends will dig out the whole biography. I have heard that she used to get bullied a lot during her school days for being obese. She is not fat, she is perfect. Anyway, who cares I like her innocence and the way she avoids conversation with people. I want to talk her, I want to know why she always has a sad face. I stumbled on stage intentionally today, just to get a glimpse of a smile on her face.I need to tell her that her smile is priceless, she looks more beautiful with a happy face. I will talk to her tomorrow for sure.”
By the end of the second clip, I had goosebumps. I had goosebumps because Rohit knew everything about me from the very first day itself but never let me had a hint of it. The things that had happened in the past were actually planned by Rohit to make me feel happy and comfortable.
I scrolled down quickly see to the number on the last audio file which said day 30. I had all the time in-universe to hear them and so I started from where I left. After 45 minutes the voice ended. His last words were
“She said today that I was the reason behind her smile but what she doesn’t know is that her smile is the reason why my heart beats. It forgets to beat whenever she is sad and I can never let my heartbeat stop. I want her to know that even when we are not together, her smile is what keeps me moving. ”
Tears rolled down my eyes and my heart was full of regrets. I had a feeling that I was betraying Rohit. He always tried to keep me happy no matter how sad I was. He always kept me away from my depression and now when he is not here with me, I can’t let his hard work go in vain. I pumped up myself and made a promise to that no matter how harsh situation is, I won’t let my depression take over me again. And I will do this not for me but for Rohit.
It’s been 7 years, 8 months and 12 days since the day I made that promise. And as you can see I am standing in front of you and doing all fine. I would like to end with a fact that depression is something about which you understand only if you have been through it. Everyone has their opinion but the one who suffers knows the real struggle. If you are willing to help someone, I would advise you to talk to them and discuss their problem. Help them to open up. Build a positive environment around and help them manifest positive thoughts in mind. It’s good for everyone.
Thank you !!